CREATING A MONSTER

Posted on March 23, 2013 by impangele

Coffee at The Old Gaol on Church Square in Swellendam can too easily turn into lunch, accompanied by a glass or three of Blush from Bon Courage.  Sitting on the deck in the shade of some wonderful old oaks and overlooking the stunning much photographed NG Kerk, one often finds oneself in conversation with interesting creative people. Here it was that the idea of “Swellengram” was born, brainchild of Henk Klijn, (part owner of Augusta de Mist Country Retreat).

The Old Gaol on Church Square

The Old Gaol on Church Square

Little did I realise that this simple concept and excellent name would become my child to rear – and little did I realise that this sweet infant would grow into a monster of gigantic proportions!

 Swellengram is an online community information service – it started with a small database of local friends – and has now grown to a participant reach of over 1000.  It is picked up by other local information services and so its viral reach is possibly twice that.   Initially the idea was to make sure people in Swellendam knew what was going on in the town: events and specials.  By offering free advertising to restaurants and businesses only if they were doing something special, the community would benefit from the increased amount of special deals.  As a community service I decided to add requests for local information and opportunities for lift sharing. This has grown exponentially into lost dogs, lost parrots (there was a veritable rash of escaping parrots a few weeks ago – they were probably all looking for Louis) (see previous blog entry) jobs wanted, jobs offered, accommodation, and all the usual stuff. But the difference from this and any other information service, is the persona of Mrs Gram, who adds her own spin to the information and to the titles awarded to the most interesting Grams.

The pseudonym of Mrs Gram was awarded early on in the procedure and she has grown her own personality. She is loved by many, and once people realise who it is, they will hug her (me) or press gifts into her (my) hand on meeting in the street, and Mrs Gram received far more Christmas emails than I did.

Mrs Glam aka Martyn Turck

Mrs Glam aka Martyn Turck

Mrs Gram organised a charity do called SwellenGlam (luckily she has a willing husband who plays in a band) where yet another alter ego arrived, “ Mrs Glam” (Martyn Turck, local fruit farmer  from  Wildebraam Berry Estate)  on the back of a Harley Davidson) dressed in Pink Lamé with shiny purple wig and feather boa, long false eye lashes (also pink)  set off delightfully with a pair of green wellies and a pipe.

Mrs Gram also took it upon herself to play Cupid on Valentine’s Day and suggested that if people emailed their Valentine messages,  she would send them anonymously.  A Swellengrammer then offered a prize for the best one, and Mrs Gram suddenly found herself the recipient of some of the worst poetry in the world.

During the few days of unrest, mentioned in a previous blog entry “Fire” Swellengram acted a bridge for communication of facts.  Rumours were flying and occasional panicky moments occurred, but Grams were based only on fact (Mrs Gram sent long-suffering husband out into the streets to assess the situation and report back)

Like me, Mrs Gram struggles with Afrikaans, and has to rely on “Google translate” for many of the incoming Afrikaans grams. If they arrive in English, that is how they stay, as Mrs G does not want to risk ridicule by trying to translate the other way. She already suffered slings and arrows when she wrote about Tow Trek.

SPILL CHOCKER

But most of all she struggles with the temptation to send out Grams that arrive with spelling mistakes that have passed the spell check and given a total different meaning to the original Grammer’s intention.  Occasionally she has missed one or two.

One local restaurant was shocked at the outcry caused when Hot Steaming Cinnamon Nuns were presented as their special of the day.  After an apology for the mistake,  a greater outcry ensued because it turned out everyone WANTED Hot Steaming Cinnamon Nuns on the menu. So do visit Pennantwing when you are in Swellendam and ask for their Nun speciality. If nuns are off that day, at least the rest of their stuff is excellent!  Recently a gentleman was searching for two roosters, which he wanted very badly.  ‘Roosters’ was not the word he used but TWO COCKS WANTED BADLY did not seem to be the right turn of phrase.  The above mentioned green wellies also suffered an unfortunate vowel change when Mrs Gram was ‘gramming’ her news about SwellenGlam, causing much hilarity and a red face for Mr Turck.

Apparently studies have been done which show that the perception of a quizmaster is that he/she is more intelligent and well informed than those participating contestants, despite the fact that all he is doing is reading out the questions and has the answer on a card.  It would appear that the same thing is true with Mrs Gram. She is considered erroneously to be the fount of all knowledge. She (dressed as me) is frequently accosted on the street and asked such things as When was Swellendam declared a republic? Is there someone here who can service my boiler? Where can I get two cocks? When does the pub open?  Can you give me ten rand for some bread? (OK that last person may not have realised that he was speaking to Mrs Gram, but he soon did when Mrs Gram showed him a very empty purse.

There is no money in it for Mrs Gram, but she enjoys the goodwill it engenders, and also is always first to know about events and bargains.  If you have a Facebook and would like to check it out – it will be one of the best ways you can find out how we Swellendammers roll!

 

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Uninvited Visitors

Posted on March 22, 2013 by impangele

Our guesthouse prides itself on being pet friendly, gay friendly, biker friendly, wheelchair friendly – and next week we are going for official accreditation as birder friendly. In fact we are just so darn friendly that the news has got around the local dog population, one or two  of whom likes to pop in at breakfast time to charm the guests out of parting with a sausage or two.

We made a conscious decision not to have pets of our own when we opened the guest-house, precisely so that we could accommodate people travelling with animals, so our little morning visitors are really not welcome, but they don’t seem to take the hint, however forcefully it is dropped.

Asb! Take off this Engels scarf!

The current regular is a little Jack Russell, who has an unfortunate scratching habit and is definitely not the most attractive example of her species. She is an Afrikaans dog, though however much we try “Huis Toe!”  and “Voetsek” she affects not to understand our English accents, and looks pleadingly at whichever guest she happens to be pestering, as if to say – ‘see how cruel your hosts are, they are not animal friendly at all’ (but in Afrikaans, obviously) .  Then off she goes to find a place where the guests will shortly be wheeling their luggage to leave a brown parcel for them to help them remember our guesthouse. Obviously we don’t know her name, though husband has come up with some choice epithets for her.

Dog loved to play dress up

She is a poor substitute for our previous regular morning visitor – again, Afrikaans speaking, but much more accepting of our lack of language. A border collie, highly intelligent – once again nameless, but we imaginatively called him “Dog”. The house rule is not to feed visiting animals, but it was impossible to resist the limpid eyes and waggy tail of Dog.  Dog always ran for sticks and refused to give them back, Dog loved children, Dog would accompany guests on runs / walks / hikes through the Marloth Reserve at the back of our house, Dog never left poo in the garden.  Dog and our latest canine visitor both developed the habit of dozing away the day on our garden furniture, but at least Dog responded to “Uit”  “Af” and “Neer”. He was the best sort of pet to have:  we had all the pleasure and fun of a dog companion, with no vet’s bills and no expensive dog food. Guests fell in love with him, children adored him, and he would guard the house for us during the day when we went out.

I have no idea where his real family thought he was during the weekdays, but every weekend Dog would dutifully do his Family Pet duty, and we would see him walking past our house, obediently, on a lead, with a faint look of boredom on his face, beside his family on a weekend walk. When they reached our house he would cast us a little panicky and conspiratorial glance, as if to say “Don’t give me away, don’t call me, don’t recognise me” – so we played along. I wish now that we had made the effort to get to know his family, because after a year of growing to love Dog unconditionally, the family moved away – we didn’t know that they were planning to go, and so did not get the chance to say goodbye.  I still miss him.

Snake capture

Another uninvited animal visitor to Impangele, was the boomslang which decided to inhabit the vine which shades our breakfast area.  Fortunately we have a brilliant “snake lady” who comes to collect snakes and take them away – though her arrival while the guests were actually eating their breakfast rather gave the game away. We had, as you can imagine, been very circumspect about our little visitor, just casting the odd glance upwards to check Boomy wasn’t joining us for breakfast.  But the guests thoroughly enjoyed the African spectacle of the Snake Capture – and subsequently posted pictures all over the Internet of the “snakes at the guesthouse”.  Not really how we want our place marketed…….

Not all our animal guests are uninvited  – some indeed are booked in along with their owners, and we enjoy getting to know them, with the odd exception.

“Cuddles’ the Rotty

A pair of lovely, if very dotty, ladies booked in for Christmas a few years ago, and at the last moment told us that their beloved Cuddles would be joining them and us. We imagined Cuddles to be a cute fluffy Maltese poodle, but the car pulled up, boot opened and out leaped Cuddles  – a large black Rottweiler with a baleful look in his eye, who was fiercely protective of his elderly charges. Serving breakfast became a scary and life endangering experience, though the ladies remained sweetly oblivious of the low pitched murderous growling emanating from under the table, and the large yellow teeth from which ravenous saliva dripped as Cuddles lusted covetously after our ankles.

Louis the African Gay

But my favourite guest has to be Louis the African Grey parrot.  Owned “since he was an egg” by a delightful gay couple, Louis decided to join us for breakfast.  (“he’ll just have a little scrambled egg and an incy bit of toast, darling” ) I asked one of his ‘Daddies’ if Louis could speak. “Of course he can”  was the indignant reply. “We’ve taught him everything he knows”. So, in that parrot type voice that everyone puts on when they converse with talking birds, I repeated “Hello Louis, hello Louis”.  Louis looked up at me, lifted his right claw and waved it effetely – and then said, in the campest way imaginable “Hellllooooooooooo, sweetie”.   More African Gay than African Grey.

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FIRE!

Posted on March 21, 2013 by impangele

Swellendam is a harmonious, peaceful town that gives the lie to the negative media that constantly mitigates against International Tourism to South Africa.   Guests to our B and B always remark on the complete absence of high walls, razor wire and burglar bars that they have been led to believe would be one of their signature experiences on their trip. “We don’t need them” is our reply.

But, in our little dorp, we are just as likely to witness storms, both human and natural, as any other place in the world, and in 2012, Swellendam was shaken by two events which will remain in the memories of the inhabitants for a long time to come.

The fire in the mountains raged for 7 days

The fire which raged for seven days in the Langeberg Mountains in January last year, gave rise to spectacular photos: awe inspiring landscapes, mountains fringed by gold, the drained faces  of exhausted fire-fighters, and subsequently the naked, dead trees in monochrome, strange, quiet beauty.

No-one could fail to be affected by the devastation – the thought of the wildlife that had been lost, the destruction of natural life, the concern for those who fought so hard and long to get things under control. But fourteen months on, the return of birds and animals, the new growth of foliage and fern, the footprints of porcupine, baboons and leopard remind us of the power of Nature to reclaim her own.

The exhausted fire fighters dredged up smiles for the camera

Then, in November, another kind of devastation swept Swellendam, also giving rise to spectacular photos: plumes of black smoke from burning tyres, fire silhouetting buildings in Railton, the strained faces of exhausted police and subsequently, the bare streets, closed shops, and eerie quiet desolation.Although it took place at the same time as the farmworkers’ strikes, the problems in Swellendam were unique to the town, and had more to do with the frustrations of the people with local politicians and administrators.

No-one could fail to be affected by the destruction – the thought of the trust that had been lost, the destruction of livelihood, the concern for those people caught up in a monster not of their own making. After the initial shock, the repercussions: the anger and disappointment, the recriminations and blame: all expressed in different ways, rational, passionate, intellectual, crude and emotional.  The key factor was that these feelings had a way of being  communicated: –  through the medium of modern technology people were able to say how they felt, without fear of harm or revenge. The platform offered by the local press through Facebook offered the opportunity to all to enter into safe debate.  Much of what was written was shocking, some of it was ridiculous, and some was uninformed and demonstrated great gaps in the understanding of the situation.  But all of it came from passion,  and shock at what had happened in the space of one short day!

Fire silhouetting buildings in Railton

Four months on, wounds are still raw. Not enough time has passed yet for significant healing and re-growth.  Some of the problems which caused the fire of rebellion are still deeply rooted, and it will take a long time for mankind, with long held, man-made preconceptions and prejudices to show a healthy and strong re-growth.

A POSITIVE OUTCOME

“There is a fire in human nature tending to purify — so that among these human creatures there is continually some birth of new heroism. The pity is that we must wonder at it, as we should at finding a pearl in rubbish” John Keats

The cleansing effect of the fire in the mountains had a parallel in the cleansing disruption of the trouble in November.

Individuals  removed themselves from the mess of political and administrative dysfunction – projects were started or rejuvenated which were aimed at bringing together the divided community of Swellendam:  local restaurants joined together in an initiative called  StreetSMART raising funds for practical ways of supporting young people from underprivileged communities, Swellendam Tourism, CAP and Score are working on a project to create an Under 19  soccer team called Swellendam United, which will represent the town in the Metropolitan Premier cup in 2014, Journey Trails are running weekend leadership courses in conjunction with Bontebok Park, the community came together recently for an amazing CANSA relay, the recent Swellendam Show was inclusive and heart warming.

All night CanSA Relay

For the fynbos indigenous to this area, fire is essential : for cleansing, germination and healthy re-growth.  For people – sometimes the same is true.

Photos: Cathy Hommes Van Eeden, Carlo Jorge

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Food for thought: think before you make a stink!

Posted on March 20, 2013 by impangele

Oak smoked salmon

We are so lucky in Swellendam to have great restaurants – definitely something for everybody. We have one of the top Italian restaurants in the Western Cape, and at least three other fine dining establishments in heritage buildings.  Family restaurants, coffee shops by the river, under the oaks, opposite the big white church, wood fired pizzerias, pub grub: really, truly something for everyone.

 “How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.” ― Benjamin Disraeli

If you don’t know what Trip Advisor is, think yourself lucky. It means that you do not run the risk of having someone in your home or eating your food, who potentially is able to tell the whole world on the Internet that you are ‘lazy’, or that your “loo is unclean”(even if it is spotless). You do not run the risk of someone telling the world that your house “overlooks a squatter camp” (when the truth is it overlooks the Langeberg mountains, but that person runs a competitor business, so chooses to lie). You do not have to suffer the indignity of someone saying that there is “no atmosphere” “nothing to see” and a “waste of time” for anyone to visit you. You do not run the risk of losing business because someone tells the world that “you must rather go somewhere else”.

New opportunities opened up for the “amateur critic” through the medium of Internet reviews. Whenever hospitality providers in Swellendam get together, the dreaded subject of Trip Advisor is never far away from the conversation.  However much we claim we don’t care, the truth is that most of us know exactly who has a good review or a terrible one. Most of us know exactly where our guest-house or restaurant is placed on the list, who is top, who is struggling, who is writing their own reviews, and who is paying friends to write reviews! (If we don’t know, we are quite happy to make it up!)

I have been privileged over the last seven years to get to know most of the owners of guest-houses and restaurants in this beautiful town. Without exception, they are hard-working people, who take pride in their businesses and they work hard to market and promote Swellendam, along with their core business of providing a high standard of accommodation or cuisine.  In this town, every tourist can easily find a place to stay or a place to eat that suits their particular requirements.

In Swellendam, tourism is the second largest industry (after farming) supporting economic growth, providing employment, and encouraging  investment .  Every new Rand brought into Swellendam circulates, bringing benefits and increasing opportunities for all, rich and poor, young and old.  It is incumbent on all  residents of any town whose economic prosperity depends on tourism to act as ambassadors, and present to the outside world a positive picture.

‘When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.’ Unknown

So, my plea, to all residents,  to  business owners, to everyone who really cares about the potential of your town  – please don’t put your desire to become a critic and have your moans and groans displayed out there in the big wide world above your need to live in a prosperous and thriving town. I fully support your right to an opinion, but I do not recommend that you share it with those who will be planning their holidays and choosing whether to spend their money in your home town or “rather go somewhere else”.

If you are not happy with the service, food or accommodation, speak to the owners directly. Preferably at the time, so that they can put things right for you then and there.  If you prefer not to confront them directly, then ask your local Tourism Organisation to intercede on your behalf. If the visitor to town wishes to make a justified criticism, this is fair enough, but you, as a resident, should have the sense to realise that you are damaging the reputation of the town, as well as your own relationships with other businesses. If, on the other hand, your experience has been a positive one, the opposite applies.  Help support our local restaurants and tourist attractions by sharing with the potential visitor the best experiences they can have in this beautiful place.

And, to those of you who have suffered at the sharp end of the opportunity that Trip Advisor offers to every person who considers themselves qualified to judge your humble offering, I offer you this: “Don’t bow down to critics who have not themselves written great masterpieces.” Lawrence Ferlinghetti.

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